Each little step toward independence is like its own little miracle, for real.
Dyson is no longer going to any kind of daycare or nanny. A very wise man – you know who you are! – once told me that no one will watch your kids like you will. And, wow, how true that is.
Getting a break was a MUST earlier on, but after the latest unsettling experience with a caregiver I learned that my son is independent enough to engage in self-directed play exploration when I need a break.
Sweet Lord, Holy Jesus, thank you, GOD, hallelujah. The dark days of hoping that I will be able to keep it together are over; seriously. All thanks to the fact that my son can entertain himself with a stick for 20 minutes.
YOU READ THAT RIGHT. TWENTY MINUTES. I AM ALL THE THINGS.
The other major factor at play here is the fact that I am much less stressed out by his crying than I was in the first 6 months of his life.
Not that I ignore him, or lack empathy. It’s just that, as he matures developmentally, crying is no longer the 4-alarm fire it was when he was younger. He now has other tools for communicating his needs (he actually brought me his bottle today because he was hungry, I joke you not) and crying is now simply how he processes ‘negative’ emotions and expresses himself.
I cannot tell you the freedom I feel in no longer being responsible for his emotional state as I was when he was an infant. My job is to provide a safe, loving environment that supports his cognitive, physical, and emotional growth. My job is to help him become the best person he can be. My job is not to make him happy.
YOU READ THAT RIGHT. MY JOB IS NOT TO MAKE MY CHILD HAPPY.
Through being allowed to fully experience his upset, he knows he can bear the emotional weight of his pain. Emotional resilience…because he is his own person with his own emotions learning how to meet his own legit emotional needs.
The reason a baby cries often seems silly and trivial to an adult but that does not mean that a child is not grief-stricken and distressed. The reason for the emotion might be ridiculous from the adult perspective but it is a mistake to marginalize the emotion a child is experiencing.
It is certainly not how I wanted to be treated when I was a child. My emotions were not ‘small’ simply because I was. And if someone shut me down every time I tried to express my myself and process my feelings, I would probably turn into a super villain.
Long story short, being a parent has led to my deep contemplation of the nature of God and why I have not yet won lotto. But really, Universe, I have had enough challenges. I am ready for my multi-million dollar jackpot now. 
